Embracing My Birth Story – Part 3

birthstory-part3

I’m sharing part 3 of my birth story, but it probably doesn’t make sense without part 1 and part 2. So, if you haven’t read any of the story yet, you may want to head over there to catch up.

Where did we end?

Oh yes, the complications. Joy.

I was terrified.

Sitting at 29 hours of contractions and being 20% effaced and 2 cm dilated, the only way for her to come out was via C-section.

I’m pretty sure that there were nurses lined outside of our door because within seconds, we were surrounded by a team of people prepping me for surgery. It was insane in the membrane (no pun intended).

It was really scary. I was being pricked and prodded at and I just remember Daniel and I trying to say a prayer together. I was terrified not only of the C-section but terrified about whether our baby was okay. This baby whom I had loved and carried in my body for 41 weeks was obviously not doing well in the womb anymore.

I’ll spare you the details of the actual C-section since no one wants to hear about them cutting open layers of my body and pulling out a baby. My one request to Daniel during the surgery was that he didn’t watch the action… primarily because I was petrified he would faint or something.

This is not an irrational fear, as my own father fainted when the doctors pulled me out via C-section.

Felicity was born at 4:53 pm with heavy meconium. She was 9 pounds and 3 ounces. She was a big baby! Her Agpar scores were perfect, and her heart rate returned to normal once she was out of the womb. I was able to get a couple of minutes of skin-to-skin before they took her for further testing. That skin-to-skin time was the most beautiful five minutes I could’ve experienced. And I know that it’s rare that you get that after a C-section, so I am blessed indeed.

We later found out that we had an infection in the amniotic fluid, which just goes to show that she needed to come out sooner rather than later. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that we had a C-section. Because, like I said, it was not what we planned. The last thing I wanted to do was to have an unnecessary C-section. After a well-intentioned text while I was at the hospital sent me into a panic thinking that the horror I had just suffered through was not actually necessary, I found this: “Managing Complications in Pregnancy and Childbirth – A Guide for Midwives and Doctors.”

My doctor followed that guide basically to a T, and I could see clearly why we ended up with the C-section. The peace I felt after seeing all that my doctor let us try and knowing that we did everything we could to give birth vaginally was so healing. I know that every birth is so different, and I am finally at peace with our C-section. I’d like to avoid them in the future, which is why I’ll be attempting a V-BAC for future kiddos — but I’m finally not afraid to talk about my C-section.

I didn’t fail at giving birth. I didn’t miss out on some passage into motherhood because my baby came through my incision rather than my… ahem, vagina.

But, I am not a failure. My motherhood is not defined by my labor and neither is yours. It is defined by our love.
DefinedByLove

Whether your birth story turns out to be exactly what you imagined, or it turns into something completely different, never believe the lie that it wasn’t good enough. Because it is your story. Embrace it. Write about it. Share it. Let it be healed, if necessary.

I have a healthy, beautiful, little girl who has made my world brighter. And almost 5 months later, we are still marveling at how beautiful this little one is. I consider that a success.hashtag

 

Our motherhood is defined by our love, and to remind myself of this, I’ve decided to start the Defined by Love project! Do you need a reminder that you  aren’t defined by your past? Are you overwhelmed with your current situation or do you feel like there are things trying to steal your joy? Use the hashtag #DefinedbyLove to see other photos from other moms that remind them that they are defined by their love and not by their circumstance. So share with me some pictures on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and remember, you are defined by love… nothing else!

definedbylove

 

5 comments

  1. Cristina says:

    I had C-Sections for both of my children. I tried, but my cervix just wouldn’t dilate. I can say that I didn’t have a plan for sure, I knew with my teeny tiny stature, I would probably end up having a C-Section. I prepared for that, and hoped for natural.

    You really were lucky to get those five minutes. I didn’t get my firstborn, for two hours after – and I cried! I knew how important those moments were, but we are totally connected (I breastfed for 18 months and believe that’s what did it). I can’t say I wholly regret it, because I got the sweetest little boys ever.

    🙂

    • Natalie Marie says:

      Two C-sections! You are one strong momma! Awe man, I cried after they took her after my five minutes; I cannot imagine how upset I would be if I didn’t get those five minutes. Yes, breastfeeding is literally the best. I can’t say I regret mine either; I don’t even like to think about what would’ve happened if C-sections were never performed!

  2. Sara says:

    Thanks for sharing your story mama! I also had a CS after a long labor with slow progression. You are lucky for the skin to skin. I did not have it and it hurts my heart almost one year later. I think it’s why I’m having such a hard time embracing my story.

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